On and Off Vasectomy

When I first read the article about a German entrepreneur named Clemens Bimec, who has come up with the most ingenious scheme ever to castrate men, I was ecstatic. Leave it to the Germans. I was amazed at why no one in the medical, or plumbing, community has never thought of it before. I mean, when cavemen first crawled out of their caves every Paleolithic morning, I  bet the last item on their agenda was how they could turn off their sperm flow. And I bet when cave-women first crawled out out their caves every Paleolithic morning, that was their first thought.

Clemens envisions a new implant that will allow men to turn off, and on, their fertility with the flick of a switch. I sh*t you not.This device called the spermatic duct valve (the Bimec SLV) is designed to divert flow of sperm away from the penis and back to the testicles, to be reabsorbed by the body (like I need or want more). I do my best to get rid of it now. Anyway, it measures 1.8 cm, weighs 2 grams and is fitted under local anesthetic in 30 minutes.It ‘s located inside the scrotum therefore not unsightly to those who look closely there.  It is made of materials that won’t rust which will be a big positive for those who don’t relish that oxidized look. The only negatives may be a scar tissue build up, or it could get clogged. Seems like we’re on the verge of something revolutionary here. The science looks good.

But wait. I foresee problems here. Not with the device, but with the’s flicker of the switch. Let be perfectly honest ladies, most men can’t remember to take out the trash on time or put the toilet seat down. Now they will be put over jurisdiction of your contraceptive. Your only viable alternative will be to poke around down there yourself and make sure the switch is flicked in the off position. Could be fun the first couple of times, but eventually that’s gonna be a mood killer. Most men feel their significant other has enough control in their lives, now you’ll want to control their little berries too.

You say leave it in the off position all the time. Yay! We have our solution. Buy nay says the doctors. You have to leave it open occasionally to avoid the building of scar tissue and clogging up of the valve. Back and forth, up and down, on and off. So your back to having the lesser goon in control again. Now if you’re in a relationship with some guy who very responsible, and does not want children with you, he’ll make sure it’s flicked properly every time; long hard day, faulty memory and alcohol withstanding. Right?

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Looks like female contraceptives will continue to sell well long after the Bimec SLV comes on the market. I’m sure men will be rushing down there in their millions to have their scrotums cut open and a 39 cent plumbers valve installed.

Looks like poor ole Clemens was headed in the right direction physically but overlooked the male factor…cognitively.