Iowa: A Good Old Fashioned Slugging Match

The Iowa Caucuses are over and it has shown itself to be  a good old fashioned, toe-to-toe slugging match between the top runners and wannabe’s. Usually elections, especially primaries and caucuses, are relatively boring affairs…but we haven’t had this much fun since the boy’s came home from Gettysburg. Finally, it looks like this year’s election is going to be a wonderful carnival of winners and losers, whiners and cry babies. And it’s immensely gratifying watching the parties controlled media hyped darlings, get a good shellacking.

The GOPpers: Firstly, we have the egocentric megalomaniac bully who just got his party jumping, high dollar butt handed to him on a platter by a guy he has tried to character assassinated in every way possible. The Trump(eter) went into Iowa with the confidence of a matador thinking he had the corn-fed folk all in his pocket. Well, those pockets were full of holes punched by that bull as Tiny Ted Cruz came in at 26.65% (51,649 votes) to big mouth’s 24.31% (45,416 votes). Well, I guess old Donald J. just can’t go out and shoot apprentices and keep his voters.  He just barley missed being a third place finisher by Marco “Polo” Rubio who-o came in-o at 23.09% (43,132 vote-o’s). That would have been a real flash in the brat’s golden picture pan-o. Maybe he needs to write a new book on How Not To Succeed In The Midwest States. Then the brain surgeon, Ben Carson, must have messed in his pant’s with his poultry 9.31%, because he ducked out of Iowa early to “get some more clothes”. I would think a brain surgeon could come up with a better excuse than that after soiling himself! Then Jebusite Bush barely registered at 2.80%, EVEN behind Rand Paul at 4.54%. Jeb ran off to New Hampshire to lick his wounds and try to salvage his train-wreck called campaign. Seems like the big money and the old school Republican clout can’t strong-arm another Bush into the Whitehouse anymore. No dynasty this time. The rest of the Republican field will surely be dropping out now like troopers with Custer.

The Demo’s: This is where the real punches were flying as cocky Hillary got bitch slapped by wall flower Bernie like two cheerleaders fighting over the high school jock. “Feel the Bern” (on that cheek) just took on a whole new meaning. Although virtually tied at the polls in Iowa, Hillary started her campaign months ago feeling like she had the whole Democratic nomination locked up tight. She had the Democratic super money backers, the Democratic old school political machine mechanics and the Democratic professional donkey delegates all behind her. In the cigar smoked filled, whiskey snifting backrooms, where candidates are really decided upon by the party elite, she was promised this year’s run when she back out of the 2008 election to let Obama win the nomination and be the first black President, making the party look all progressive and cool. Word! The out of nowhere came poor little old Socialist card-carrying Bernie, with no money or political machine power, and no media love, who said what he really thinks will work for making this country better. The party laughed, letting Bernie run so Hillary didn’t look like a lone horse (no pun intended). But the college students, and anyone who has paid a recent medical bill…listened! Maybe the college loan lobbyists and the medical conglomerate lobbyists and the big drug company lobbyists should take a lesson from Ben Carson because they are all having a bout of diarrhea this morning as Bernie just showed he is a serious player, and the ground rules could be realistically changing. The high life may be over for the crooked, over-charging bastards now as they may have to get socialized…democratically!


A big round of applause to the people in Iowa for throwing the first punches in what may be the most interesting delegate choosing, candidate picking fight since the Thrilla in Manila. I can’t wait until the Presidential election where the real slugfest will unfold at ring center.

Let’s get ready to ruuuummmble!